days 29; 30; 31 lent-tessa
i’ve been on a stay up late, sleep late schedule which actually isn’t mine. i’ve settled pretty deeply into this not working thing now despite my anxiety about it.
days 29 & 30 & 31
i’m at the end of my lent-tessa. my purpose with this was to slow down and focus a little more on taking better care of myself, but in the end i think i lost interest in what i had set out to do. i hate it when i get disconnected.
but i’ve have been feeling pretty detached for a couple of days. i feel very not normal, which i think can only be defined by routine. so my routine is off. so it’s been off since i left home…since i left college…since i left alaska…since my job ended. i’ve come to define getting in touch with myself through getting in touch with things that i like. material things. stuff from stores, songs, food, movies, books. i bought an elephant that nods its head when i tap it’s trunk. it’s nodding in time to tropical internet radio–(the heat is going to my head)–it looks happy.
when i moved into my current apartment two books mysteriously appeared in my book box. the first was a copy of he’s just not that into you, which i actually already had. two copies of that infamous book side-by-side look a little…i think “vulnerable” is the word i’m looking for. the second is the vagina monologues. i’ve never seen it performed, though it was performed more than once at UPS. i have no idea where these books came from (mom was my first guess but she said she never had “he’s just not that into you” i think the monologues is hers). either way it’s all kind of weird.
i started reading the vagina monolgues after watching the end of two rather disappointing movies (the aviator and from hell). it’s kind of like being in college again except i’m alone, dehydrated, and lethargic in my small living space. oh wait.
the final champagne of bands show is tonight at the crocodile. it’s the end of an era it seems.
the end the end the end.
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